Thursday, March 16, 2023

Intangible Deforestation

In the soft woods of my heart
There is a felling going on.
Someone made my passions start,
And now my guarding grove is gone.

When I saw the glitt'ring axe
Falling on those branchèd stalks,
Then I felt the cruel attacks
Of love that laughs and cries and mocks.

Red leaves, red blood: both downward fall
And make the passion's flame increase.
Oh! that the thing I most of all
Desire would be: for love to cease.

Replant the forest of my soul,
That my poor heart may yet regain
The peace it seeks. Let me be whole
And wholly free of passion's pain.

T.G. 3/16/2023

Saturday, February 11, 2023

Achilleus' Lament for Patroklos

My eyes are set upon your pyre
    And for your death I mourn.
Your cheeks, once blushing, now are pale;
    Your flowing locks are shorn.
 
Beneath the shining silk that shrouds
    Your still, unbeating breast
I know the damage lies you took
    In battle's bloody test.
 
Staunch you stood, fearless you fought,
    Undaunted met your death,
And in the service of the gods
    You spent your final breath.
 
Then set the flames upon the pyre
    That send your soul below--
And when I have avenged your death,
    To join you I shall go.
 
T. G. 1/15/23

Sunday, January 15, 2023

Likely

I waited in the hall, not yet ready to enter the room. Breathing slowly, I leaned against the rough wooden door and fiddled quietly with the handle. I couldn't catch any of the words, but I heard the rise and fall of my brother's voice as he told Cyrus his nightly bedtime story. David was always a great story-teller, and even just listening to his voice was pleasant. I continued waiting.
    I heard footsteps coming up the stairs and turned to look. It was my younger sister Rebecca, who was always empathetic and perceptive. She caught my glance and noticed my hesitation. Stopping at the top of the stairs, she set down the neatly folded pile of towels she was holding.
    "Andrew, you can't keep him waiting forever," she urged.
    "I have to let him finish Cyrus' bedtime story," I said.
    Rebecca nodded. "Okay, but you have to talk to him as soon as he's done. He's been waiting for news all day." She picked up the towels and walked past, lightly patting my arm with her free hand as she went by.

    She was right about David waiting all day for news. The sun had not quite risen yet when we left the house.
    "I need you and Rebecca to go to the dig site for me," David said earnestly as he shook me awake. "Dr. Maynard just called and said they're going to try to find the bodies today. I have to take care of Cyrus. Come back as soon as they find Ana's body."
    Wearily I stumbled out of bed and downed the cup of hot coffee offered to me by Rebecca, who always woke early. Slightly energized, I got into the passenger seat as Rebecca started her car. During the fifteen-minute ride to the dig site I slowly consumed a leftover blueberry muffin from Starbucks that I found in the glove compartment.
    When we pulled up Dr. Natalie Maynard was standing by the orange mesh fence that surrounded the archaeological dig, talking to her intern, Sarah Piper. Sarah and Dr. Maynard were as different in physique and temperament as two people could be. Dr. Maynard's short red hair framed her plain round face, and her green eyes matched the army-green pants suit that adorned her stocky frame. She was confident, commanding, stubborn, and hard-working, and she knew how to get what she wanted. Sarah was a petite brunette with a sharp face whose dark eyes hid behind large round glasses. She always kept her long hair up in a bun or a French braid, and her wardrobe consisted almost entirely of black and navy. She was nervous, attentive, compliant, and sensitive, and she never knew what she wanted. I had gleaned all of this from Ana's copious stories of her coworkers throughout the two years since she came to work at the site.
    Dr. Maynard began talking to us as soon as we stepped out of the car. "You're Ana's in-laws, is that correct? We are just starting the search, now that the sun is up. The cave they were in was covered with 40 feet of earth and stone when it collapsed, so we have to dig through all of that before we get to the bodies. And we will have to go carefully, as there may be very important artifacts between the surface and the level they were working in."
    "We are very sorry for your loss," Sarah put in quietly. I remembered that she had been dating one of the archaeologists who died in the collapse. I nodded my thanks and she gave a guarded smile.
    "Have they figured out what caused the collapse yet?" asked Rebecca.
    "All we know at present," said Dr. Maynard, "is that there was some kind of local tremor. The tectonics department assures us that it was not an earthquake. There is also a small amount of radiation that has risen from the ground above the cave since the collapse. Nothing dangerous, just unusual. Once again they say it couldn't be anything tectonic or volcanic. There's no fault anywhere nearby that could have caused it, and there are none of the related effects that would always show themselves in such cases. Our best hope for an answer lies underneath that rubble."
    I looked over the fence at the dig site. The ground above the collapsed cave was rocky and broken. Several people were picking away with spades, and one man was operating a yellow Cat excavator. I began to regret the meagreness of my breakfast. "How long do you expect them to take?" I asked.
    "It could be several hours before they get down to the level of the cave," said Dr. Maynard. "After that, we hope to find the bodies quickly and finish up for the day. We've contacted a funeral home and asked them to come around 2pm. Of course any of the families are welcome to make your own arrangements."
    "We have a shelter set up," put in Sarah, pointing to a small square pavilion with a blue canvas roof that sat on a small hill overlooking the site. "The Ericsons and Patricia Katz are already over there. We have water and snacks."
    While Dr. Maynard returned to the dig site to oversee the excavation, Sarah led us through a small gap in the fence and up the hill to the shelter. There we found two picnic tables, one covered with a plain white cloth and set with water, coffee, doughnuts, pretzels, and Welch's fruit snacks. The other table was bare, and around it sat a gloomy collection of people I had never met before. Sarah made introductions all around and then left us to seek out Dr. Maynard again.
    The Ericsons, Paul and Sophia, were an older married couple, both of whom had grey hair and gold wire glasses. Their son Jacob was the one Sarah Piper had been dating. They were both clearly shaken by the whole situation, but at least Paul seemed to be trying to act cheerful.
    Patricia Katz was in her thirties, with a tight blonde ponytail and a tight black skirt. She was not interested in sharing her feelings–or anything else–with anybody. She had been the wife of Cesar Fuerte, but had kept her maiden name, being a businesswoman.
    The family of Lauren Wicner, the fourth member of the lost crew, had not yet arrived at the dig site.
 
    Dust drifted up from the digging as we sat uncomfortably together around the picnic table. I munched on pretzels while Rebecca had a melted glazed doughnut. The day was getting hot as the sun climbed up the sky. Rebecca wiped her sticky hands on a napkin. I got up and poured myself a third cup of coffee. Paul Ericson produced a pack of cards.
    "Oh, surely now is not the time," exclaimed Sophia.
    "It's alright," said Rebecca. "It'll keep our minds off of things." She set her napkin aside and brushed the crumbs off the table in front of her. Sophia gave the spectre of a smile and relented. Paul shuffled deftly.
    "What shall we play?" he asked.
    "Hearts?" suggested Rebecca.
    "Do you know 500?" Sophia chimed in.
    "Yes!" I said. "Let's play that."
    "Is that the one with the bowers?" said Rebecca. "That would be fun."
    It was me and Sophia versus Paul and Rebecca. Paul dealt the first hand and we all stared at our cards. Dust filled my nostrils and I coughed.
    "Pass," I said.
    "Pass," said Rebecca.
    "Pass," said Sophia.
    "Pass," Paul sighed, as he swept the deck back into his hands. He shuffled again and dealt the cards. We all glared at our cards through the haze. One by one we all passed.
    "This is not working," said Sophia. "My mind refuses to be kept off."
    "My mind refuses to do anything," I said.
    The four of us stared down at the digging, as Patricia Katz was already doing. They were now about twenty feet down, and it was about 11am. They had found no artifacts and no bodies. Dr. Maynard had shed her blazer and was standing over the hole in her white linen blouse, mopping her brow with a hand towel. Sarah was in the hole wielding a spade. I could see her shoulder blades rise and fall beneath her black t-shirt as she worked. More dust drifted up through the stifling air.
    The sound of screeching brakes came from behind us and we turned around. The canvas wall of the pavilion met our gaze. The four of us rose as one and hurried out of the shelter to see what was up, leaving Patricia to her unknowable thoughts. We went up to the fence and looked over. On the gravel path sat a red convertible with the top down. A young man with golden windswept hair was sitting in the driver's seat looking at us over his shades. The sleeves of his light blue Oxford were rolled up and he rested one bare forearm on the steering wheel.
    "Is this the archaeological dig?" he inquired articulately.
    "It is an archaeological dig site," I answered.
    Dr. Maynard appeared, having redonned her green blazer. "You must be Lauren's brother."
    "Marc Wicner," he affirmed, holding out a hand. Dr. Maynard shook it firmly and briefly.
    "We are about halfway down to the level of the bodies," she told him, "but the work should speed up now that we're past the rockiest layer. We still expect to find them by 3:30."
    "And what if you don't find them?" Marc said, raising an eyebrow.
    "That seems very unlikely," she said, frowning.
    "How do you know what's likely?" he said, smiling. "If I say it's likely to rain, and you say it's not, how do we know who's right? Even if it doesn't end up raining, that doesn't mean it was actually more likely to rain than not to rain." Dr. Maynard's frown deepened, but she said nothing. "I think it's likely," he continued, "that you will not find the bodies, or at least not find all of them. I think it's likely that you will find a very unusual artifact. And I think it's likely to rain. Can I have that doughnut?" he concluded, looking at me.
    I hadn't even noticed I was holding a doughnut. It was a chocolate with sprinkles, which wasn't even a kind I liked. I tossed it to him, and he caught it deftly with two fingers. Then he shot off in his car, raising a trail of dust behind him. We all stood still in a stunned silence for several seconds.
    "It's not," muttered Dr. Maynard. "It's not likely to rain." She stocked off back to the dig.
    At that moment a cool breeze drifted up from the south. I looked up and saw a dark bank of clouds forming. Rebecca saw it too, and I met her glance. I knew what she was thinking: had Marc seen the clouds before he predicted rain?
    As we returned to the pavilion the sky turned grey. Soon little drops of rain began to sprinkle down on the canvas roof. I looked out at the excavation, and they seemed to be working with extra vigor and speed. None of them wanted to dig for too long in the rain, but they knew Dr. Maynard would not let them stop until they had found what they were looking for.
    The rain began to pour, churning the earth into mud. We huddled under the shelter, feeling bad for the workers, but knowing there was nothing we could do to help them. I looked for Sarah and saw her operating the excavator. She caught my eye and gave a shrug and a resigned smile. I smiled back, but mine was a smile of pity.
 
    Almost as quickly as it came the rain was gone. The clouds disappeared and the sun resumed its attempt to bake the entire world into a giant Russian tea cake. The mud dried quickly, and the work went on. By 2pm they had reached the level of the collapsed cave.
    Sarah came over to inform us of what was going on. "We'll have to go even more carefully from here. We don't want to harm the bodies or destroy anything that could give us a clue as to what happened."
    As soon as she finished speaking they found the first body. It was Cesar Fuerte. The funeral home had just arrived, and Patricia Katz hurried off to make arrangements. Paul, Sophia, Rebecca, and I remained standing just outside the shelter, watching with dread and hope.
    Soon they found Jacob Ericson's body as well. Paul and Sophia said goodbye quickly. "We're so glad we got to meet you," Paul said.
    "We feel the same," said Rebecca, and the Ericsons were off.
    We waited. The sun climbed down the sky, tired of baking, and the air got cooler. The diggers continued their search, but the bodies of Lauren and Ana did not appear. Rebecca and I sat at the picnic table staring out at the excavation. I put my head down on the table and soon fell asleep. I was awakened by a hubbub of voices from the dig site.
    Sarah hurried over to us. "They found something strange," she said, her face pale. "They think it might have had something to do with the collapse. I suspect it may also explain why we haven't found Lauren and Ana yet."
    We followed her to the edge of the dig and looked down 45 feet to the bottom. There in the darkness the archaeologists stood around a strange object. It appeared to be a sphere half buried in the ground, glowing with an inner radiance. It was about 2 feet in diameter, and seemed to be made of some kind of crystal.     
    "They've traced the radiation to the sphere," Sarah said. "It's also vibrating, which could have caused the tremor."
    "And how could it explain the disappearance of the bodies?" I asked.
    "I don't know how exactly," she said slowly, "but it seems just wacky enough that it could explain anything. Doesn't it look magical? Or like some alien tech?"
    It did indeed.
    I thanked her and asked her to convey our thanks to Dr. Maynard. She smiled again and walked back down into the dig. Rebecca and I returned to the car and drove back to David's house in silence.
 
    I heard David end the story and exchange good-nights with Cyril. I turned the handle and quietly opened the door. David turned from where he was kneeling by Cyril's bed. Seeing me, he stood up quickly and came to the door. His eyebrows went up inquisitively, then furrowed as he saw the look on my face.
    "What's wrong?" he said. "Was the body… was it bad?"
    "They couldn't find it," I said. "They found Fuerte and Ericson, but Lauren and Ana just weren't there."
    "What?" he exclaimed. I saw Cyril open his eyes, and I took David's arm and dragged him out of the room. Shutting Cyril's door, I led my brother into his own bedroom.
    "You might want to sit down," I said, gesturing to the bed. He sat down heavily, creasing the smooth quilt with its interlocking green triangles. Ana had made it for him the year before as a sixth anniversary present. I sat down beside him and sighed.
    "They dug up a strange artifact at the site," I said slowly, when I had collected my thoughts. "It was some kind of glowing orb. Sarah Piper thinks it may have somehow destroyed or removed the bodies. I know it seems unlikely, but this thing really looks like something out of a sci-fi/fantasy movie."
    As I spoke I watched David's eyes get wider and wider. As I finished, he leaned back a little and closed his eyes as if to soak in what I had said. I closed my own eyes for a moment in relief at having gotten the news off my chest.
    Suddenly I felt his fingers grip my arm tightly. I snapped my eyes open and saw that he was staring forward, eyes bulging. I followed his gaze and there in front of us stood Ana, a confused look on her face.
    "Ana!" David jumped to his feet.
    "David?" Ana stepped forward uncertainly. "What's going on? How did I get here?"
    "How did you get here?" David exclaimed. "You're alive!" He threw himself forward and hugged her tightly. After a few seconds she pulled away.
    "Yes, why wouldn't I be alive?" she asked.
    "I thought you died in the cave-in," he said quietly.
    "What cave-in?"
    "The cave-in at the dig site three days ago."
    Ana turned white. "Three days ago? But I was just at the dig site, just now! We were working in the cave. Lauren and I saw something glowing, and when I touched it I found myself here."
    David put his hand on her arm. "The cave at the dig site collapsed three days ago when the four of you were working there. They found Cesar and Jacob's bodies, but you and Lauren were gone. And now here you are."
    "That's impossible," Ana gasped.
    "It's not impossible," I said, "but it certainly doesn't seem very likely."
 
 
T. G. 1/12/23

Friday, June 17, 2022

The Wind

Hear the strong wind blowing,
Blowing the cause of our sorrow,
Our sorrow far, far away,
Away, leaving no cause for joy,
For joy. Only emptiness stays,
Stays, only emptiness stays...

T. G. 2/24/19

Wednesday, May 11, 2022

Heavenly Art

I thought the sky was painted with a brush
                By some almighty Hand,
As though the clouds which ‘cross the heavens rush
                And shade the fruitful land
Were oily pigments mixed in some clay jar
                With some great stirring stick,
Then spread upon the sapphire canvas far
                And near, in places thick,
Where cumulus like cotton dot the blue,
                Or nimbus shed their tears;
In places thin, where stratus, all one hue,
                Are stretched like wat’ry smears,
Or cirrus, feather-like, are flicked on high
                With strokes both swift and sure.
And as upon that canvas of the sky
                Stretched taut with such azure
I gazed, upon my soul there fell a hush,
                A silent peace, because
I thought the sky was painted with a brush
                And realized—it was.
 
T. G. 4/9/22

Sunday, April 10, 2022

The Mist

One evening, as I made my way
Through city streets that homeward led,
There rose a thick and shadowed mist
That filled my very soul with dread.

It shrouded all the lamps that shone
Like beacons in the twilight sea,
And blotted out the stars above
Which do the fate of men decree.

About my feet and face it curled
And lay there like a clammy snake.
I could not run, nor walk, nor move,
Nor yet a cry or whisper make.

Within my heart was kindled fear
That chilled my blood and made it freeze.
Into my head came horrid thoughts
That limped my hands and shook my knees.

Then to the earth I stumbled, stunned,
As though the mist had dragged me down
With fingers withered, old, and grey,
Draped in a drab and dripping gown.

From deep within my tortured self
Arose a thin and wailing cry
That pierced the mist, drove back the gloom,
And rose up to the starry sky.

Then, stumbling on, I forward fled
And pelted down the stony street,
In constant fear that once again
The mist would grasp and mesh my feet.

Across the threshold of my home
I hurtled like a river's tide.
A match I struck, a candle lit,
And stood within its light and sighed.

Then from without my sturdy house
There came an answ'ring sigh, as though
The mist was saying: "Just this once,
O fated man, I let you go."

T. G. 4/10/22